You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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