Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
