Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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