u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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