half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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