Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
