oh god the rape fog is back!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
