when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
