A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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