Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
