put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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