you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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