I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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