Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this beer tastes like vomit already
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
