Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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