Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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