as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
