I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
