i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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