im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
