So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
