why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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