I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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