would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
