We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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