I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
