I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
