oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You just made me feel so damn special
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
