Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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