plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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