I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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