Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
