fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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