wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
