that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
