This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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