Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize