with your own penis?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize