I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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