I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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