Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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