Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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