Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
