So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
