Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize