Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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