I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
