Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
