If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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