Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
