Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
