member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
