so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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