You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
