I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize