Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love having hate sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
