i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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