I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
