I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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