i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize