Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
