I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
