God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
