Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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