shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
