it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Boobs speak an international language.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
