im having a threesome with these popsicles
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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