and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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