Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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