splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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