When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
