I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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